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November 20, 2012
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It's not that I expect anyone to read this, or that I need consoling,  I just want my feelings to be heard, and I know without a doubt that my watchers care about me as I do them, so this here is purely just expression of my grief.  To those that read it I'm sorry if this brings you down at first, but I try to stay positive. C:

I know I'm not one to rant about my personal life or my own opinions in the negative, but this topic has just been weighing down on me for weeks now, and I really can't bear it any longer.

Friendship.

Perhaps it's merely a childish dream of mine, but whenever I say that I am your friend, I try to do whatever in my power to stay that way. For anyone. It doesn't matter if they only ways I've met you is through letters on my screen, or if I see you every day, or even if I've known you for years. I make it a commitment to care.  In the past, during high school, I was naively awakened to the pain of being abandoned by someone I thought was my very best friend in the world, someone who outright rejected me for a reason so selfish and pitifully misunderstood that I cried for weeks from sheer disbelief. Because of that I vowed to never ever, ever, ever let a friend down if I could help in any way.  If you ever feel like these words don't ring true for you, from me, I beseech you to tell me- don't ever be afraid to be honest with me, even if it hurts I will take the time to understand. I beg you to talk to me, from the bottom of my soul I do. No one deserves to keep their problems locked away inside themselves. I will always be an ear to anyone that needs it, because I know that I would want the same if it were me.

In that respect I feel pained right now, since I know I'm losing someone right now. They are slipping away and it's absolutely unbearable. Perhaps I don't have the most open heart in the world…however I try to leave space for anyone that walks my way, and in doing so I know that I'm bound to get stabbed occasionally. But, I feel that even with those consequences I wouldn't have it any other way, if the price means giving someone a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. I live to make others happy, and I know it's not a good thing, my mother tells me so all the time, but the only way I seem to find true happiness is when I see my friends smiling and safe, and without some horrid emotion bottled up inside them. I have a very Buddhist philosophy about finding peace, and I strive to help others find that balance in life, because everyone needs that balance in order to function; a core value that they make sure is unshakable. For me, its friendship and determination, so I don't lose sight of what I care about, and I'm stubborn enough to stick to someone who needs help I can give, even if they fight me. In a way I suppose that's selfishness on my part, since I don't want to get abandoned in turn, but if they would have a better life without me- if that's the help I'm meant to give- I would.

As I said before, I don't want this journal to be all about my woes, and putting a more positive spin on things helps me to focus my energy back into clarity, keeping it out of the shadows where it likes to fester itself. So, in the spirit of that, how about we switch to the many ways of friendship.

Friendship should be taken seriously. There is no such thing as making friends easily, as much as I'm sure we'd all like to admit otherwise. A friend without complete trust is an acquaintance, contact, colleague; someone we merely know and are nice too, but wouldn't trust with our hearts.  Friendship should be something beautiful and as unbreakable as you can make it, able to withstand any argument; like a thread of silver connecting that connects one another. The thread is always seen, and kept clean from use, and keeps us supported when we're lost; should we only follow that thread back home.

Somewhere along that line, one of your threads is bound to be tested. It's hard to bear when that thread begins to strain one way or the other, or when both sides snap it to its ends, tangling the string and knotting it in places with petty arguments and fights.  Those knots and tangles can only be undone with the help of both ends, using the whole of the string, just like friendships can only mend when brought together and traced back through problems; finding solutions to old issues and new along the way.
Sometimes, even with the strength of a silver thread, friendship can be like a thin necklace, wrung around your neck, tight from use, and delicate enough to break with the simplest movement. It is a very precious necklace to you, and when it breaks, you feel you've lost it forever. The gem you kept around your neck, so close to your heart is now gone, and it's painful. But I implore you, to look back, and see if that gem still means anything to you, to simply keep your eyes open, and wait for that gem to find you again, even if it takes years. If the friendship was true, the silver thread can easily be welded back together through the pure heat of loving another.

I can only hope that, in time, the gem I have lost myself will be found again; shining bright and happy in the light of day, gleaming at me in waiting.
If you're still reading this, I thank you for listening to my rambling as always. Suggest that maybe, if it helps, this journal can be a confessional of sorts, should you like to share your problems, if only to get the weight of them off your chest. Though I ask if you do, not to make it a spiteful reply, but a reflective one; so that your words might help others in a situation that might be like yours.

With love, Always, Solstice.  <3

(sorry if there are typos, I'm just posting how I feel without edit; )
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:iconshadowstripe01:
shadowstripe01 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I wish I could've read this sooner. It's good to know that I'm not alone when it comes to this topic. I cherish my friends and hold them close to my heart, yet sadly, everyday I hear what people do behind and say behind their friends back. If allowed, I would like to become your friend.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Of course we can be friends, I would love to c:
I'm sorry you've had it rough as well, but you seem kind.
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:iconshadowstripe01:
shadowstripe01 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry for the short response. I really wanted to say more!! I just love the way it was written, and the point you shared! ^^ If you ever need an ear and a should to lean on, I'll be glad to help.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Aww, thank you ;A; <333 You're so sweet ;v;
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:iconshadowstripe01:
shadowstripe01 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome ~<3
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:iconjasmin-liertha:
Jasmin-Liertha Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist
I'm really glad to see this. I keep seeing people saying, "we're best friends!" to each other and then some months later those 'best friends' barely talk to each other because they've found new friends. Or, my own experience; she said to me, "thanks, you always hear me out. you're my best friend" and I only laugh helplessly in my mind and think, "you're my best friend? you say that I'm your best friend and they aren't, but when it comes to it, you always pick them over me. And I can't even tell you, because then you'll only stay by me out of guilt'.

I always think, 'Am I the only person that thinks that 'best friend' is a precious term that shouldn't be thrown around so casually like that?'. I know a lot of people probably value friendships too, but it makes me happy to see proof of it.

We haven't talked much, but I hope we can be friends in the future.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Same here, and I really feel you. Best friend isn't something
that should be taken so lightly. It's not something they should
openly call you if all you do is lend an ear to their problems,
I should think that you're the type to listen to everyone simply
out of kindness, and the people who listen probably don't know quite
how to thank you and feel guilty about it later.

I do hope we can be friends though, and hopefully good friends in the future
at the very least. You seem lovely dear c:
Reply
:iconjasmin-liertha:
Jasmin-Liertha Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist
I'm not sure it's out of kindness rather than it is just that I hate failing expectations. Or perhaps it's a bit of both. I can barely tell.

Haha, I'm pretty sure 'lovely' suits you better, with your optimism and friendliness. I'm more of the pessimistic and snarky type. ;)
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Oh I see.. and thank you ;v;
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:iconfirstnoelle:
FirstNoelle Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
:heart:
...
I love you
...
And
...
You'll always be my friend
...
:heart:~
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