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It's not that I expect anyone to read this, or that I need consoling,  I just want my feelings to be heard, and I know without a doubt that my watchers care about me as I do them, so this here is purely just expression of my grief.  To those that read it I'm sorry if this brings you down at first, but I try to stay positive. C:

I know I'm not one to rant about my personal life or my own opinions in the negative, but this topic has just been weighing down on me for weeks now, and I really can't bear it any longer.

Friendship.

Perhaps it's merely a childish dream of mine, but whenever I say that I am your friend, I try to do whatever in my power to stay that way. For anyone. It doesn't matter if they only ways I've met you is through letters on my screen, or if I see you every day, or even if I've known you for years. I make it a commitment to care.  In the past, during high school, I was naively awakened to the pain of being abandoned by someone I thought was my very best friend in the world, someone who outright rejected me for a reason so selfish and pitifully misunderstood that I cried for weeks from sheer disbelief. Because of that I vowed to never ever, ever, ever let a friend down if I could help in any way.  If you ever feel like these words don't ring true for you, from me, I beseech you to tell me- don't ever be afraid to be honest with me, even if it hurts I will take the time to understand. I beg you to talk to me, from the bottom of my soul I do. No one deserves to keep their problems locked away inside themselves. I will always be an ear to anyone that needs it, because I know that I would want the same if it were me.

In that respect I feel pained right now, since I know I'm losing someone right now. They are slipping away and it's absolutely unbearable. Perhaps I don't have the most open heart in the world…however I try to leave space for anyone that walks my way, and in doing so I know that I'm bound to get stabbed occasionally. But, I feel that even with those consequences I wouldn't have it any other way, if the price means giving someone a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. I live to make others happy, and I know it's not a good thing, my mother tells me so all the time, but the only way I seem to find true happiness is when I see my friends smiling and safe, and without some horrid emotion bottled up inside them. I have a very Buddhist philosophy about finding peace, and I strive to help others find that balance in life, because everyone needs that balance in order to function; a core value that they make sure is unshakable. For me, its friendship and determination, so I don't lose sight of what I care about, and I'm stubborn enough to stick to someone who needs help I can give, even if they fight me. In a way I suppose that's selfishness on my part, since I don't want to get abandoned in turn, but if they would have a better life without me- if that's the help I'm meant to give- I would.

As I said before, I don't want this journal to be all about my woes, and putting a more positive spin on things helps me to focus my energy back into clarity, keeping it out of the shadows where it likes to fester itself. So, in the spirit of that, how about we switch to the many ways of friendship.

Friendship should be taken seriously. There is no such thing as making friends easily, as much as I'm sure we'd all like to admit otherwise. A friend without complete trust is an acquaintance, contact, colleague; someone we merely know and are nice too, but wouldn't trust with our hearts.  Friendship should be something beautiful and as unbreakable as you can make it, able to withstand any argument; like a thread of silver connecting that connects one another. The thread is always seen, and kept clean from use, and keeps us supported when we're lost; should we only follow that thread back home.

Somewhere along that line, one of your threads is bound to be tested. It's hard to bear when that thread begins to strain one way or the other, or when both sides snap it to its ends, tangling the string and knotting it in places with petty arguments and fights.  Those knots and tangles can only be undone with the help of both ends, using the whole of the string, just like friendships can only mend when brought together and traced back through problems; finding solutions to old issues and new along the way.
Sometimes, even with the strength of a silver thread, friendship can be like a thin necklace, wrung around your neck, tight from use, and delicate enough to break with the simplest movement. It is a very precious necklace to you, and when it breaks, you feel you've lost it forever. The gem you kept around your neck, so close to your heart is now gone, and it's painful. But I implore you, to look back, and see if that gem still means anything to you, to simply keep your eyes open, and wait for that gem to find you again, even if it takes years. If the friendship was true, the silver thread can easily be welded back together through the pure heat of loving another.

I can only hope that, in time, the gem I have lost myself will be found again; shining bright and happy in the light of day, gleaming at me in waiting.
If you're still reading this, I thank you for listening to my rambling as always. Suggest that maybe, if it helps, this journal can be a confessional of sorts, should you like to share your problems, if only to get the weight of them off your chest. Though I ask if you do, not to make it a spiteful reply, but a reflective one; so that your words might help others in a situation that might be like yours.

With love, Always, Solstice.  <3

(sorry if there are typos, I'm just posting how I feel without edit; )
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:iconshadowstripe01:
shadowstripe01 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I wish I could've read this sooner. It's good to know that I'm not alone when it comes to this topic. I cherish my friends and hold them close to my heart, yet sadly, everyday I hear what people do behind and say behind their friends back. If allowed, I would like to become your friend.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Of course we can be friends, I would love to c:
I'm sorry you've had it rough as well, but you seem kind.
Reply
:iconshadowstripe01:
shadowstripe01 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry for the short response. I really wanted to say more!! I just love the way it was written, and the point you shared! ^^ If you ever need an ear and a should to lean on, I'll be glad to help.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Aww, thank you ;A; <333 You're so sweet ;v;
Reply
:iconshadowstripe01:
shadowstripe01 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome ~<3
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:iconjasmin-liertha:
Jasmin-Liertha Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist
I'm really glad to see this. I keep seeing people saying, "we're best friends!" to each other and then some months later those 'best friends' barely talk to each other because they've found new friends. Or, my own experience; she said to me, "thanks, you always hear me out. you're my best friend" and I only laugh helplessly in my mind and think, "you're my best friend? you say that I'm your best friend and they aren't, but when it comes to it, you always pick them over me. And I can't even tell you, because then you'll only stay by me out of guilt'.

I always think, 'Am I the only person that thinks that 'best friend' is a precious term that shouldn't be thrown around so casually like that?'. I know a lot of people probably value friendships too, but it makes me happy to see proof of it.

We haven't talked much, but I hope we can be friends in the future.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Same here, and I really feel you. Best friend isn't something
that should be taken so lightly. It's not something they should
openly call you if all you do is lend an ear to their problems,
I should think that you're the type to listen to everyone simply
out of kindness, and the people who listen probably don't know quite
how to thank you and feel guilty about it later.

I do hope we can be friends though, and hopefully good friends in the future
at the very least. You seem lovely dear c:
Reply
:iconjasmin-liertha:
Jasmin-Liertha Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist
I'm not sure it's out of kindness rather than it is just that I hate failing expectations. Or perhaps it's a bit of both. I can barely tell.

Haha, I'm pretty sure 'lovely' suits you better, with your optimism and friendliness. I'm more of the pessimistic and snarky type. ;)
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Oh I see.. and thank you ;v;
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:iconfirstnoelle:
FirstNoelle Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
:heart:
...
I love you
...
And
...
You'll always be my friend
...
:heart:~
Reply
:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Student Digital Artist
:iconiluplz: <33333
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:iconfirstnoelle:
FirstNoelle Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
:iconbigheartplz: :iconiluplz:
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:iconnaruslittlewolf:
Naruslittlewolf Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
I'm sorry you've felt that loss. I know that at some point in a persons life it's very likely that this loss will happen one way or another. This is a sad thought, but...The way you worded this journal...

Thank You.

I love you Naomi! I know I dont really pop on here often (And when I do you end up spamed with Favs/comments/ect) but you are a "Dear One" to me, and I appreciate your Friendship (I really need to thank Lisa for dragging my shy self over to her table for lunch where we first were introduced to eachother)

So I'm going to say this here:

Thank you. For everything. And I Love you.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
No, thank you, for such a wonderful paragraph; I'm
just kinda blown away by the response that this journal got me.
So I'm really happy to see that you read it and just...you're so
kind Paige<3 You're just as dear to me if not more, I meant it<3
I'm so glad we got to meet, otherwise I'd be missing something in my
heart, where you belong~ So thank you , just for being you,
which is more than enough. ;v; Love you too~
Reply
:iconnaruslittlewolf:
Naruslittlewolf Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012
Your welcome. No thanks needed you deserved it ^.^
Course I did.
I always read your stuff, I may not comment, but I try to read it all. You're my Friend after all, and this is really the only place I get to talk to you anymore TT.TT (Need to fix that somehow)
Thank you. ^__^ Awwww.....;w; Thanks. I'm really glad we met too, I cant imagine not knowing you and your awesome, so I'll say it again...Thank you.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Digital Artist
<333
Reply
:iconnaruslittlewolf:
Naruslittlewolf Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
:love:
Reply
:iconanimefreakylova123:
animefreakylova123 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Aww thank you so much~!! c:
Reply
:iconanimefreakylova123:
animefreakylova123 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
u r welcome
Reply
:iconamandaalmonds:
AmandaAlmonds Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
:iconletmehugyouplz:
I love you.
Reply
:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I love you too<33333
5EVER NO TAKEBACKS
Reply
:iconamandaalmonds:
AmandaAlmonds Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
LOVE YOU 5EVER

ALADJFLAJDFRVOJDOIFJDOVHSKCVNJL-
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
FAJSDFKASDF :iconiluplz:
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:iconpluepop:
PluePop Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nana as always you always find ways to open people's hearts and minds. And this journal just opened up mine. You have made me cry with your words and that's a hard thing to do considering it's me. But i just want to tell you, if there is anything, any problem, issue, even a little rant, tell me. Because i want to be here for you, because you've been here for me. So thank you Naomi. For being there then, and now, love you and always will!
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Aww thank you so much Els, I'm so happy that
you took this the way I wanted people to take it.
Not that I wanted everyone to cry; by far no;; but
I just wanted to let everyone know how much I valued
their friendship and hope that everyone knows it.
I know I don't have to tell you how much I appreciate you
or how wonderful you are, and I will always be there for you
too<33 ;v;
Reply
:iconaldevoir:
aldevoir Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
this is absolutely beautiful and i know that we may not talk a lot but i truly believe that it'd be anyone's honor to be your friend! <333
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Aww dear thank you so much, and I'd love to talk to you~! I'm sorry
I'm awful at keeping up with my rp notes, but I do love to talk if you ever just feel like chatting or need me for anything~ You're so sweet!
Thank you again ;v; :iconiluplz:
Reply
:iconaldevoir:
aldevoir Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
ahaha it's cool, don't worry about it!

( i wish i could say more buuut unfortunately i'm not nearly as eloquent as you are so i'm just gonna. SMOOSHES YOU OK :heart: )
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Student Digital Artist
;v; <3

(WHAT IS ELOQUENT BECAUSE IT IS NOT ME; jfadsk and omg you're eloquent
don't even; you write beautifully v; SMOOSHES BACK<33))
Reply
:iconaldevoir:
aldevoir Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
( HONEY PLEASE DID YOU NOT JUST READ THAT ENTIRE JOURNAL THAT YOU JUST WROTE. WITHOUT EDITING.
AND ALL OF YOUR POSTS EVER.

ELOQUENT IS YOU OKAY
WIPES AWAY TEAR )
Reply
:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
fasdjfasdf WHY DO YOU TELL ME SUCH SWEET THINGS I DO NOT DESERVE OMG
/HUGS FOREVER OKAY YES
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:iconaldevoir:
aldevoir Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
BECAUSE THEY'RE TRUE BBY

/SQUISHES. YES OK.
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Student Digital Artist
jf;lkdjfas also Clover's icon is so adorable<333
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(1 Reply)
:iconrainscarce:
rainscarce Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student General Artist
:iconuhuhuhuplz: that made me feel warm and happy inside
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm glad that you were happy from it~ I didn't want to
leave anyone upset by a long shot! I'm honored my words moved
you, thank you c:
Reply
:iconspocksgirlfriend:
Spocksgirlfriend Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm so sorry for your loss, it's truly heartbreaking to bear something like this alone.

This has happened to me twice, with my two non-biological brothers. I call them brothers because one lived with us his whole life, and the other for 11 years. One got married, and the other got a girlfriend (whom I set him up with), and they abandoned me because the girlfriend/wife were jealous of me and my relationship with them. At least, that's what I assumed. These brothers who I talked to everyday, have not spoken to me more than 5 minutes in over 3 years, now.

Such a pain runs so deep. I did not handle it well the first year. I embarrassed myself, and my family, and became the butt of most jokes. So I just hid, and have lived my life without the two most important people. Recovery from such loneliness is a slow process, and I have found many people now that I care about and love, but nothing can replace the gems that were torn so relentlessly from me.

I admire your strength and resolve, it gives me refreshed motivation to continue to do the best for myself and the friends that I have now.

I will always be your friend, online and offline. <3
Reply
:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm so sorry to hear that that has happened to you, it sounds
awful to bear, and I'm amazed at how strongly you stand after
that, from what I've seen. If nothing else I'm glad that what I wrote
has given you more strength to carry on, which is all that I could
ask for any more. I'm glad to have met you and of course, I'll always
be your friend too<3
Reply
:iconspocksgirlfriend:
Spocksgirlfriend Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It helped me learn a lot about myself and others, so even though it was hurtful, I gained a lot of positive things throughout the whole experience. Always a silver lining, but sometimes it's hard to see through the fog of tears. >< Stay strong, I know that you can get through this.
Reply
:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much,that really means a lot to hear dear ;v; <3
Reply
:iconpandastrophic:
Pandastrophic Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
your words are gold ;v;
:iconawkwardhugplz:
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:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
No, you are gold Reem ;v;
:icondracomalfoyplz: :heart: :iconvoldemortrapefaceplz:
Reply
:icontess-is-epic:
Tess-Is-Epic Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student General Artist
I know we haven't talked much recently. But you are truly one of my closest friends here on the interwebs. Even though we have never met in real life, I feel like we have known each other a long time. You're an amazing person and so selfless that I couldn't bare to see someone hurt someone so sweet. I love you like a sister and we definitely need to start talking more~! I really hope things work out for you in the end and I completely understand how you feel. In many ways I am the same. I try to do whatever I can for those I get close to. I want them to always be happy, and go out of my way to help them. But in the recent years my so called best friends left me in the dirt and stabbed me in the back, leaving me hurt and confused. This has happened so often I have honestly began to distance myself from those closest to me in fear of being hurt again. But I realize this isn't the answer. Thank you for writing this journal, I am honestly touched by it. We will always be friends as long as you will have me :iconwipetearsplz::iconslowhugplz:
Reply
:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Of course I'll have you dear~! And I feel the same; I need
to stop hiding on skype its a bad habit of mine. I'll try to be
online more and stop thinking that I"m bothering people and
actually say hello to you first OTL <3

But I feel you for your betrayals, that's just terrible. And I'm glad
I know you for being so strong, and still being so kind to me
and everyone ever after such huge attacks on your trusts and
beliefs. You're more amazing in that respect than I could ever be
and I hope we can build our strength together. I really love you too dear,
and I mean it from the bottom of my heart<33 Characters or not~
Reply
:icontess-is-epic:
Tess-Is-Epic Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student General Artist
<3333333333333
Reply
:iconsugar-rushh:
Sugar-Rushh Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconspazhugplz:
Reply
:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
:iconslowhugplz: <3333
Reply
:iconsugar-rushh:
Sugar-Rushh Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't tell Magic.
But, I think I loves you.... as a friend! 8D
Reply
:iconsolstice-11:
Solstice-11 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Fttt XD <3
Reply
:iconsugar-rushh:
Sugar-Rushh Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm special. XD
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November 20, 2012
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